


I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

by paranoidangel



Category: Stargate Atlantis, Stargate SG-1
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-03-05
Updated: 2006-03-05
Packaged: 2017-12-20 12:34:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/887330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoidangel/pseuds/paranoidangel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When she returned to Earth, several things happened to Elizabeth Weir that she wasn't quite expecting.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Intruder.
> 
> Beta by wannatee_1984.

Elizabeth Weir had spent a pleasant, mostly undisturbed afternoon in the SGC commissary reading a selection of newspapers. It had been an impulse decision that morning, after suddenly realising she was spending too much time under the mountain was making it seem stifling and she had to leave to breathe. Even the rain did not deter her for only when she felt it fall did she realise how much she had missed a gentle shower. Every raindrop that landed on her washed away her troubles for one sweet moment and relaxed her over-taxed body. When it turned into a downpour she sought shelter and found herself in a small newsagents, where she became distracted reading one of the newspapers there. Half an hour later the rain had stopped and she had a copy of every paper they sold.

Although the walk had helped she still longed for an open space. The biggest one in the SGC was the Gate Room but as she could not set up in there she had gone to the commissary instead and stayed there since, entranced. She had long passed the point where she worried about the colour of her fingers, as unsurprisingly they were now black from countless page-turning. The remains of what was once lunch was buried under a pile of not-quite folded up papers that she had read and kept on the table. The ones she had discarded entirely were providing a foot rest underneath. A smaller pile to one side were the ones she was saving for last.

She had only been peripherally aware of events around her, except for a brief period a few hours earlier when Rodney had come in to complain about Colonel Carter. As he had obviously come merely to moan and talk her ear off with useless dribble while not listening to anything Elizabeth had to say, she had gone back to her reading and when she next looked up Rodney had gone. Now she noticed the number of people around her growing, suggesting that it was evening. She was determined to finish, however. There were plenty of other tables and she could always eat here if she got too hungry to wait.

A shadow fell over her, blocking the light and although she scowled she otherwise ignored it, hoping whoever it was would get the message and leave her alone. However, the shadow only grew slightly smaller and a coffee cup was set down right on a section she was reading. She looked up, expecting to see Rodney come to harass her again or John to do the same, but it was Jack O'Neill who sat on the other side of the table, arranging his legs around her papers, looking casual and unexpectedly handsome in faded snug-fit jeans and a pale blue short-sleeved shirt. She had spent most of her time in the SGC in suits but only now did she feel overdressed.

"Catching up on a year's worth of news, are we?" he asked.

"Well, I was," she said, picking up the cup to move it and half-hoping he would take that as a signal to go. The smell of the coffee hit her as she did so and, against her will, she took a sip. At her actions Jack leant back in his chair and smirked at her. Elizabeth sighed. Half the time she was convinced she was working with children; the other half she knew they were all geniuses in their fields. They just had funny ways of showing it. Jack was obviously not an exception.

"And there I was thinking you were working hard on some important work-related thing."

"I actually don't have anything on at the moment."

"You don't?" Jack sounded so surprised Elizabeth hid a smile behind her cup.

"I've told everyone who could possibly need to know every detail I can remember about everything that's happened in the last year. The only other thing I need to do is approve new personnel, which is mostly a case of agreeing to my department heads' recommendations and doesn't take long. So..." she shrugged.

"Here you are."

"Here I am." Elizabeth leaned back herself, unconsciously matching Jack's posture. "Don't you have more important things to do than bring me coffee?"

Jack gave her a grin and a look that told her there was nothing more important in his world right now than her. Fortunately she had seen that tactic often from John Sheppard in the past year and was by now immune to it. Mostly.

"The trouble with being the Man is that there's a lot of paperwork and not a great deal of action."

She cocked her head, keeping her expression serious with a little effort. "So you do paperwork now? I heard tales of people having to stand over you and force you to finish it."

"I said there was paperwork, I didn't say I did any of it."

She could not help but smile at that. A year spent running the SGC had obviously not changed Jack O'Neill. It seemed oddly comforting.

"Wanna play hookey?" She was slightly surprised at the abrupt change in tone and subject but he leant forwards over the table and lowered his voice. "You look like you need a break and I definitely need to get out of here."

Elizabeth intended to contradict him before her aching back told her she would like to escape with Jack very much. She gave him a cheeky grin as an answer and he had swept up all the papers on the table before she was even on her feet. They paused only to throw them in his office and before she could think about it too much they were in an elevator headed up to the surface.

Of course, they could not escape entirely unnoticed, the SGC was a military base after all, but the few people they passed said goodnight to Jack without looking suspicious. Elizabeth tried not to laugh and give them away. She had definitely spent too much time in meetings recently. Not that Jack helped either: when they were safely in his car and making their way out of Cheyenne Mountain he made a show of looking in his rearview mirror and asking her, "Do you think we got away with it?" She hid her mouth behind her hand when she found she had not actually forgotten how to laugh.

***

Elizabeth leaned back and held her menu up, deliberating over it. There was so much choice and although the novelty of eating ordinary good Earth food had not quite worn off, she was still trying to memorise tastes she would probably not get to experience for another long time. Jack had not even opened his, which told her all she needed to know about how often he came here.

It was only once both she and Jack had calmed down somewhat and began to act a little more like the grown up leaders they were, that he told her they were going to dinner. She would have complained at not getting a choice in location but her stomach had rumbled to let her know how hungry she really was. Besides Jack reassured her he knew this great place that she would just love. She should have known that would not necessarily refer to a five star restaurant with expensive food.

All of a sudden the menu was yanked away from her and she focused in on Jack, giving him a look.

"I recommend the steak," he said.

Elizabeth smiled, which was something she seemed to be doing a lot around him this evening, which made a nice change. Jack made it hard to be annoyed at for long, even if she was only half-pretending. "I never knew it was possible to get a steak pizza," she said.

"It's something everyone should experience at least once in their life."

"I can't believe, of all the restaurants around here, some of which I know serve very good food, you picked a pizza place."

In all fairness to Jack it was not a typical pizza place - or at least what she remembered a typical pizza place being. There were interesting photos hung on the walls of what looked like the local area perhaps fifty years ago. The lively and catchy background music was not something Elizabeth remembered hearing before, which may or may not have meant it was recent. The waitresses were as brightly dressed as the walls and the furniture yet still managed to blend in and disappear just when you wanted them. Whenever the door to the kitchen opened the smell of pizza wafted over, although it was not so strong as to be unbearable.

"Well, you've never been here, have you?"

"No." Elizabeth did not think she had been anywhere like here.

"So you're getting a new experience." Jack spotted a passing waitress and tried to wave her over but it seemed that their table was not her problem this evening. Either that or she was just not interested, it was difficult to tell.

Elizabeth had to hand it to Jack; he certainly liked an interesting life. "I've had a lot of those recently."

"Getting bored yet?"

She thought for a moment before answering. Sometimes it would be nice to have more than a few hours to relax in but then she had always liked being busy. If she had a day to spend doing nothing she would inevitably be bored before the end of it. In retrospect Jack had probably rescued her just in time. "No," she said. "Although sometimes it would be nice to be able to spend some time enjoying Atlantis without being interrupted for some crisis or another."

"I know what you mean. Somehow I can never find time to get the paperwork done in between crises."

Elizabeth smiled and shook her head. It was nice to see some of the real Jack O'Neill, without the Ancients' knowledge in his brain and the imminent threat of his death. Spotting what was probably their waitress she waved her over. The restaurant had obviously gone for uniformity and employed waitresses that looked remarkably similar. Elizabeth was on the verge of getting up and standing in her path before, in a sudden change of fate, the waitress worked out they were still here and the drinks she carried were for them after all. Elizabeth made sure to read her name badge this time, for future reference, and established she was called Mandy.

Elizabeth let Jack order for the both of them and they took bets on how long their pizzas might take to arrive. Elizabeth thought her estimate of five minutes (based on how long it took them to get it out of the packaging and into the microwave) was more likely to win over Jack's three days (based on how long it took for them to kill the cow and ship it over).

"So," he said, serious once more, "what'cha been up to?"

"Saving the world. You?"

"Watching other people save the world, mostly."

Elizabeth took a sip of her beer, watching while Jack drank a third of his in one go. She knew enough about the man to know he used humour to hide anything personal. She hoped that he would confide in her whatever it was he was concerned about. It certainly seemed like he had asked her here for a reason. "Jack, if you don't like your job, get a different one."

"Simple as that."

"Yes," she answered the implied question. "You saved the world, a lot, and if you just asked you could probably get anything you wanted."

Jack appeared to be considering this, while picking at the label of his beer bottle.

"Is there something you'd like?"

"I..." he paused, "I don't know."

Elizabeth wondered what it was he was not telling her. "Look at it this way, what have you got to lose?"

The label came off with a flourish, but before Jack could say anything Mandy returned with their pizzas. Jack slid a dollar bill across the table to Elizabeth without comment but she could have cursed the waitress for actually doing her job for once, as Jack ordered them another beer each and tucked into his pizza without further comment. Elizabeth figured she had all evening, though, especially at the rate Jack was getting through his drinks. Not that she was going to complain - she could think of plenty of reasons herself to get drunk tonight.

***

As they drunk more beer, staying long after they had finished their surprisingly good pizzas, the conversation turned to small talk and the strange things that to occurred regularly, both at the SGC and in Atlantis. Because it was all classified they had spent an entertaining ten minutes renaming races, planets and objects. In all likelihood no-one would be able to tell what they were talking about anyway but this way it somehow felt safer. Elizabeth was probably not going to be able to look a Wraith in the eye again without laughing.

She wiped the tears from her eyes, even as she was not quite sure what exactly it was that had been so funny. She was still giggling as she rose to answer a call of nature - a phrase that, once she had said it, just started them off again. But in the few minutes she was gone reality took the opportunity to kick back in and Jack was as sombre as her when she returned.

"These chairs are really uncomfortable," he said, as Elizabeth put a hand on the back of hers. "My house is just around the corner and I have beer. Or coffee."

"Perhaps coffee is a good idea," she said - standing up without support seemed to take more of an effort than it usually did. She blamed it on the difference in atmospheric composition and the relative speed of the rotation of Earth in comparison to what she was used to.

Jack signalled for the check and this time Mandy appeared almost immediately. She did not look happy as she gave them a bill that included more beers than Elizabeth remembered them drinking. She could not decide whether to complain at the service or apologise for their behaviour until she realised that it did not matter what a waitress in Colorado Springs thought of her when she spent most of her time living in another galaxy.

The bill quickly paid, they were soon out on the street. Elizabeth fell into step beside Jack but stumbled into him and he put an arm round her waist, for which she was grateful. She could not help but be reminded of Simon, who until now she had done what she considered was a fairly good job of not thinking about.

"I just broke up with my boyfriend," she said. She felt more sober in the fresh air but if she was telling Jack this it was probably an indication that she was not. It was funny - she had expected saying the words aloud would make it more real but it just seemed very far away, as if it had happened the previous year, rather than the day before yesterday.

"Hell of a long distance relationship," he said before suddenly falling sideways into a bush and nearly taking her down with him. She held onto one of his hands with both of hers and managed to pull him out with minimal help from Jack himself. When he was upright once more she put her arm around his waist and they lurched along again, close together so there were fewer directions in which to fall.

"That entitles you to get drunk," Jack said, continuing their conversation as if nothing had happened.

"Well, that explains me. What's your excuse?" She had meant it lightheartedly but when he did not answer for a few minutes, Elizabeth considered what she could safely change the subject to.

Eventually, though, he spoke. "From tomorrow General Landry is going to take charge of the SGC."

"I did wonder," she said, "what with him taking some of the meetings."

"What did you think of him?"

Jack's question sounded important, so she considered her answer carefully. She had argued with the General earlier in the week but she did not blame him for it. That had most likely been a decision made by a group of Air Force officers who had not known John Sheppard, only his record. Also, they had probably not considered his use to the city or their good working relationship and friendship, both of which she treasured and wanted to hold onto. He sounded like he knew what he was doing, though, which was not easy in a job that suddenly included the existence of aliens on the first day.

"I think he'll work out all right," she finally said.

Jack turned to smile at her but suddenly stopped walking and Elizabeth found herself being tugged backwards. "That's my house," he said, pointing to the one they had just passed.

To Elizabeth's beer-addled brain that seemed unreasonably funny and she had an uncontrollable fit of the giggles. Jack half-pulled, half-dragged her into the house while he laughed himself, at her she suspected. She managed to stop once he had deposited her on his sofa and gone to the kitchen in search of coffee. She half wished they were back in the restaurant because once she had sobered up a little she would have no excuse not to go back to the SGC.

To take her mind off it while she waited she picked up the remote control that was sitting on the table in front of her, flicking through the channels until she found a news channel. Somehow, though, what had been so important that afternoon now seemed petty and uninteresting. How could these people fight each other when there were larger threats out there?

Feeling the heat from the room she took her jacket off, folding it up and placing it carefully on the back of the seat. As she turned back her vision alighted on a photo frame lying on the table. Picking it up she could see there was a picture of SG-1 inside it. It was obviously taken a few years ago, possibly on another planet. She gave a wry smile because the only way she could tell was from their clothes; the background gave her no clues at all. Putting the picture back she noticed there were boxes around the room and except for that it was looking somewhat spartan.

She did not complain when Jack sat beside her, took the remote control from her hands, and replaced it with a mug of coffee. She sniffed it, inhaling the strong aroma of authentic coffee that she had no idea Jack kept. Jack flicked through a couple of channels before he found one showing the replay of a recent hockey match. Elizabeth had never had an interest in hockey to begin with, so found it easy to ignore.

"You really are leaving," she said.

"I really am leaving," he confirmed

Elizabeth took a sip of her coffee. It was hot and sweet and just right.

Her pleasure in the taste must have shown on her face because Jack asked, "Good coffee?" and when she looked up he was smiling at her.

"Yes." There was a minute of uncomfortable silence while he looked at her and eventually Elizabeth turned her attention to the television. One of the teams looked as if they had scored but Jack gave no indication as to whether he thought that was a good thing or not.

She took a few more sips of the best coffee she had tasted in a long time and wondered where Jack had got it from or why he kept it. He did not come across as someone who was a coffee connoisseur, but then as she had only previously seen him in military bases that might that had given her a false picture.

Having made her way through half of it she put it down on the table and sighed. "I should be getting back to the SGC."

He frowned. "What for?"

"It's getting late."

"You can always stay." Elizabeth turned to look, a question on her lips she was not quite sure she wanted to ask and he quickly amended, "I have a spare room. With a much better view than the inside of a mountain."

Elizabeth picked her coffee back up. "I might take you up on that," she said. She hated sleeping at the SGC, having got used to an ocean view so quickly. She finished the rest of her drink, though, before it got cold and tasteless. When she replaced her mug on the table she saw that Jack had also finished his, even though she could have sworn he had not drunk enough. The two mugs sat next to each other on the table and Elizabeth could not stop staring at them, feeling the beginnings of tears she would not allow to fall here.

"Are you okay?" Jack's quiet voice broke in.

Elizabeth shook her head. "I don't know."

Jack, it turned out, was full of surprises tonight because he pulled her against him, his arms around her. Elizabeth closed her eyes and rested her cheek against his chest, his shirt surprisingly soft. She could hear his heart beat fast, which she put down to the beer. He stroked her back and rested his cheek, or perhaps his mouth, on her head. She felt herself relax, only now realising how much she needed someone who could understand and could give her this.

After allowing herself a few minutes of comfort she lifted her head and kissed his cheek. Before she could move away Jack had turned his head and returned it, but on the lips. It should have surprised her but she opened her mouth and kissed him back without giving it a second thought. Once she had started she wondered why they had waited until now.

The taste of coffee clashed horribly with the smell of beer but since she probably tasted the same she could not complain. Especially not when one of his hands was playing with her hair and his skin felt wonderfully cool under the hand that had found its way under his shirt at the waist.

When he broke off to kiss down her neck and run light fingers down her spine she could not help letting a moan escape and she tilted her head so his lips could touch more of her skin. He stopped when he reached her collarbone to pull his head back to look at her.

"As good as this is," he said, "it would be even better if we moved to my bedroom."

His thumb stroked her shoulder as she saw something that may have been sadness tempered with passion in his eyes. She felt powerless to say no, although whether that was due to her feelings or his temptation she could not say. She took the opportunity to take in some air, even though her body cried out for more of him.

She managed a "yes" in answer to the question he had not quite asked.

In response he kissed her again and she pulled him in close, making sure he stayed where he was this time. His hand travelled slowly down the length of her arm and she shivered when his fingers reached past the end of her sleeves to touch her skin. When his hand reached hers it closed around it and he stood, giving her a gentle tug. She tightened her grip and allowed him to help her up and lead her away.

***

Elizabeth woke to find herself wrapped round a warm body and felt the sunlight on her face - muted as it was through the curtains. The sun was in the wrong place but that had not been an unusual feeling lately. She had to open her eyes before she remembered the body was that of Jack O'Neill, who, fortunately, was still asleep. She lay there a moment listening to his breathing over the background of the dawn chorus she had missed in Atlantis. She almost felt like last night had been a dream but Jack's naked body next to hers proved it wrong. It was tempting to stay a while but she did not want to examine her reasons for sleeping with Jack in the first place, and she certainly did not want to consider his.

Carefully, she extricated herself from the bed and dressed as quietly as she could, feeling the beginnings of a headache, obviously caused by alcohol. She had to hunt under his shirt to find her own and she paused for a moment with one in each hand. As much as she hated leaving Jack to wake up alone she did not want an awkward morning conversation with him. She left his shirt on a nearby chair and pulled hers on. She was still doing it up when she heard movement and turned to see him watching her, his head still on the pillow, his arms underneath it. She wondered how long he had been awake.

"I have to go," she told him.

"Do you regret it?" he asked. "Last night?"

She wanted to say no but when she opened her mouth, "Yes," came out instead. She sighed. "No. I don't know," and found it hard to look him in the eye.

Jack nodded and sat up against the headboard. "You're right," he said. "You should go, otherwise we'll both be late."

Elizabeth's heart sunk. She had not meant to hurt him but it had been easier than she would have expected. She paused in the doorway, wishing she could go back to the warmth of his bed.

"I enjoyed it," she said, and she thought she saw the ghost of a smile on his face before she turned and left.

***

Epilogue:

The third time the Daedalus arrived at Atlantis had almost been as exciting as the first two, even though this time they carried no ZPM or senior staff, missed after spending time on Earth. On this occasion it was during one of their rare quiet periods that did occur more often now the Wraith believed them gone. The Daedalus crew resembled mailmen more than the military but were well received wherever they went, and Elizabeth was as excited by her post as anyone else.

She could not help but be a little disappointed to find there was nothing from Simon, but she firmly told herself not to be so silly and looked more closely at the rest of the mail.

One of the packages was big and rustled when she picked it up. The handwriting on the outside was familiar but she could not quite place it. Curious, she opened it to reveal a stack of slightly old newspapers. Elizabeth smiled, anticipating a long, lazy afternoon in the sun, reading them. Correctly guessing who had sent them, she smiled as she read the note that had been enclosed.

Earth still the same as you left it: the usual death and destruction, and the occasional heroic rescue.  
Have fun,  
Jack.


End file.
